Why do we need Feminism? (Part 1)

“Feminism isn’t about making women stronger. Women are already strong, it’s about changing the way the world perceives that strength.”
- G.D. Anderson

Since feminism is such a vast topic I will be talking about this in parts. Here’s part 1 of the Why do we need Feminism series. A series where I will talk about my personal experiences and why I am so passionate about feminism.

I was in 9th grade when a random guy in my area found me “attractive”. He started stalking me. Whenever I went to school, he would be there right behind me, following me. When I would come out of my school gate, he would be there, waiting for me. He would follow me until I reach my house, and whenever I stepped out of my house, he would be there loitering with his friends. I noticed him every time and ignored him because stalking school girls is so common that our first reaction is to ignore it. We hope that they will eventually get bored and go stalk someone else. This is how teenage girls and sometimes pre-teen girls typically react to such dangerous situations.

One day, I was in my tuition and a kid who used to attend the tuitions with us came to me and said “I have a message for you”. I thought it’s going to be something funny. I mean he was just 7 or 8 years old.

“What is the message,” I asked him.

“He has asked you to meet him in the park,” the kid said.

“Who wants to meet me in the park,” I thought he wants to play with me with his friends.

“The guy standing outside,” he said.

I looked out of the door and there he was. Standing and staring at me. I was scared to go home because it was dark and there was barely anyone on the street. I asked one of my classmates to come with me to the cross where there is a street lamp and I could go home from there. A well-lit street gave me hope that someone will help me in case of an emergency. While my classmate walked with me to the cross, my stalker and his friends followed us. When I reached the cross, I thanked my classmate and as soon as he turned back, I ran. I ran straight to my house without stopping. When I turned back, the stalker, now no longer hiding in the shadows, ran after me. But I managed to reach home while he stood outside my building waiting for me to get out.

That night, I told my mom about this stalker. My mom was scared, but she didn’t want to involve my dad yet. She knew if she told my dad, things would turn ugly. She decided to talk to this guy and demand what his problem is. The next day, she came to drop me off at the school and my stalker didn’t think twice before following us. My mom caught him and asked him to back off, and he told my mom that he just wants to be my friend. The nerve of this guy! My mom asked him to find friends somewhere else and if he doesn’t stop she will call the police. He said he will stop stalking me. That day I came out of the school gates expecting things to be different but I saw him standing where he always did now with four other boys instead of two.

One of my classmates was my neighbor so I decided to tag along with him, and one of our common friends. I assumed if I had company, the stalker would not approach me. My trick worked, but for the worse. We were walking home and I turned back to check if he is following us, to my relief he wasn’t. I went to chat with my friends happily. While my classmate and I stayed in the same building complex, our common friend had to walk another 2 km to reach his home. So we bid our goodbyes and started walking towards our building. Our friend got on his bike and headed towards his home. Just when we were about to enter our building, we heard a loud noise. We turned back and saw our friend is lying on the road with his bike on his body and next to him, loomed my stalker.

We rushed towards him as fast as we could. Seeing us, the stalker ran away. The stalker had pushed my friend and thrown his bike on his face for talking to me. As I saw my friend bleeding like the characters in the movies after an intense fight sequence, I decided enough is enough. I ran back home, called my dad, and told him what happened. My dad was furious, he found out where my stalker lived and went to his place. Long story short, after involving a lot of people, police, and bystanders we were able to get rid of the stalker. He never stalked me again, though I saw him staring at me a couple of times, that was the extent of it.

So what happened after this? I was asked to be home before sunset every day. I was not allowed to go to my friend’s place alone. I should always travel in a group with at least one boy to “protect” me.

Through no fault of my own, I suffered the consequences of someone else’s action. My freedom was taken away from me because men can’t be controlled. I can’t walk alone at night because you don’t know how some men will react. The biggest fear of a man walking alone at night is being mugged. While being mugged sounds like a best-case scenario to a woman walking alone at night, I don’t even want to list the worst-case scenario here. Instead of teaching our sons to behave, we teach our daughters to give up on their freedoms. Our parents don’t have a strict curfew when their sons go out with their friends, but daughters have to be home on time.

How did it affect me? I started hiding things from my parents. I decided to ignore my stalkers or boys who troubled me because I knew this will only result in more restrictions. I chose my freedom over my safety.

This is only one of the many incidents that made me realize the need for feminism. In fact, I am certain I got off easy compared to the harrowing incidents some other people have had to endure. All resulting in the victim getting shackled by greater restrictions on their freedom in the name of their safety. As long as we don't get the push to change our mindset, we will keep treating the symptom and not the cause.

We need feminism so we don’t have to choose between our safety and our freedom.